17 June 2015

Someone found my blog and made fun of me that I temporarily made my blog private. If the both of you are still reading this, Ihatechu!

P/S: I honestly don't mind strangers or friends reading or commenting on my blog. Just... don't mention it in front of others who don't. It's awkward, it makes me feel awkward, I'm awkward.

01 June 2015

If I could...

change something about my past, it would be not letting negativity get to my head. Well, that isn't something positive to say huh. Keke I'm so funny.

I have lots of posts sitting in my draft and most of it is about "why I dislike being a Christian." Honestly, they are the lengthier posts I've typed but I usually chicken out and so they continue rotting there. I have a hard time explaining to church members why I was backsliding, not because it was difficult to explain but simply because I feel nobody really listens and that they judge me Sometimes, especially when church leaders start "lecturing" me about it I feel like shouting "wtf I quit." At times, I lie about going to church simply to avoid getting these lectures (this of all things made me feel like a shit person who has no worth and control over her own life). Forgive this sinful bad bad bad child, Lord.

To anyone who is reading this(lol if there is any), those who show concern (sincerely or not) for my walk with God, thank you, but please don't pressure me into doing things I am not comfortable with. Even taking communion has become so difficult. Coming from a girl who used to prepare it, you know it's serious. Please don't "force" me to be a "good" Christian and I hate hate hate it when you make me feel guilty (just makes me wanna quit more). If you think I'm "doing Christian" the wrong way (lol probably am), just let me be, I love my privacy and choice.

You're probably already judging me. See?

Damn, why do I always rant?

23 April 2015

How to Make a Chocolate Cake

When I was young, I got tricked by my cousin. The story goes like this...

I was playing outside with my brothers when my cousin came back home. She was my neighbour then. The moment she got out of the car she asked me, "you want to eat chocolate cake ma?" and went inside without waiting for my reply. Being a kid, of course I was excited upon realizing the prospect of me getting a chocolate cake without asking so I followed her in. I went to the kitchen to find her but realized she was in the toilet so I waited patiently for her to come out. I mean, chocolate cake is worth the wait right?! She took quite a while to come out but it's okay, at least she's out. But, after coming out she didn't offer me any chocolate cake. I was and still am a good kid, so I didn't ask her thinking she momentarily forgot. However, the good kid in me disappeared after 10 minutes caused I asked, "I thought you said you wanna give me chocolate cake?" and she replied, "the chocolate cake in the toilet bowl you go eat la." 

That my dear friends, is how I came to know how to make a chocolate cake.

15 February 2015

Shit Things my Brother Says.

After a heavy and fulfilling meal.

Me: Wah, so full can feel the layers forming on my stomach, like the pork we ate.
Tybalt: Glad that you know.


Tybalt: Fat la you.
Me: Fabulous body please.
Tybalt: Don't use that F word on me. 



After losing 4 kgs in a week.

Tybalt: Jie, I'm going to be the same weight as you already.

30 January 2015

You May Say I'm a Dreamer, but I'm Not the Only One.

I'm bringing dreams to a whole new level. Dreamt of something quite significant and while I was still dreaming, I told myself to find out the meaning behind it when I wake up. Something happened today. Nothing major but honestly, this adds to the stack of problems we already have and gawd is it shitty. Murphy's Law, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Anyways, I tried to figure out the meaning and there's too many interpretations. Probably cause my dream had many meanings to it. I sometimes have recurring dreams and always wondered why but never had the initiative to find out its meaning. There was this dream that I had for many years since young and I wish I figured out the meaning sooner. It wasn't until I stopped dreaming about it that I understood why.

Okay, I'm just going to leave this hanging. Goodbye.

19 December 2014

After a while, you don't ask "what's wrong?" anymore,
You just stop asking altogether.

07 December 2014

Am I racist?

     Before the fall of Suharto, the constitution of Indonesia is such that Indonesians are only allowed "Indonesian names" regardless of ethnic groups. This is arguably to foster nationalism, unity and reduce racism. But to what extend is this method really successful and applicable to a multiracial country? If the same law was to be implemented in Malaysia, will people be against it or with it? I once had a conversation with two juniors. Both are children from mixed marriages and they believe that people shouldn't be labelled according to their "races" and that if races were to continue, what "race" are they? The point they tried to get across to me was that they are against racism. When we spoke of the condition in Indonesia i.e. the implementation of Indonesian names, they were very passionate about it and said that it was the best way since no one is categorized. I tried to reason with them whether that is truly the best way. My argument was that we all have our distinctive and unique culture and by forcing people to use a certain kind of name alone would not reduce racism. Whose names are we supposed to follow? The Malays? The Chinese? The Indians? Or the natives?

     I am not saying that what Indonesia is doing is wrong but that there are always two sides to a coin. Yes, it may foster nationalism. But what about the culture of the people that is being jeopardized? I definitely would not want anyone or any group to force me to do something that I don't want to. Like the Hudud Law, but that is another thing altogether. I wasn't trying to force them to agree to my opinion, I was just trying to make them look at other aspects. My juniors either could not understand my argument or they refused to listen as they kept supporting the Indonesian way (in a very scary and obsessive manner). I think they were trying to label me a racist indirectly because they kept saying things like "I'm so glad I found a likeminded person", "happy to know someone is against racism", "I'm very passionate bla bla bla" to each other. I gave up after a while because they refused to listen to my logic. So, I said in my mind, "ahhh, fuck off" and kept quiet.

 P/S: I might not have "listened" to their arguments either. Who knows.
 P/P/S: Please correct me if I'm wrong.

24 October 2014

This whole waiting thing, it's shit isn't it?

21 September 2014

Siem Reap

Apparently the prettiest temple, but all I could see was tourists. #notimpressed